I wrote the following about three years ago and was drawn back to it yesterday. The words are relevant to where we’re at right now. I had written it by hand initially and I typed it out to share. In the original writing I had some drawing and simple diagrams.
Three years ago, I was about to leave my work office when I suddenly felt overwhelmed by a sensation I hadn’t experienced before. I felt high suddenly. Was I having a panic attack? I felt overwhelmed.
I sat back at my desk. Breathed and covered my eyes with my hands.
The following is what I wrote during that experience after I opened my eyes.
This first part is a little strange. I tried to write what I experienced with my eyes closed:
Layers of self
It will show you
Hand over eyes
Allow yourself to see
What it shows you
You may feel lost in one realm, try to bring yourself back to just noticing the thought/image
Saying “I’m here, you haven’t lost me.”
“hello ego” - “it’s ok, I’m here for you - You’re safe and you won’t scare me away with scary images or worries feelings. I will support you on your journey.”
Seeing kaleidoscope in eyes
Hearing beautiful songs
This next part is what came after I went through all that:
Anxiety and depression are detractions that the ego uses to keep us from evolving beyond it.
It tries to stay “alive” because it’s scared.
We must give it (the ego) love.
Our ego is here not to be gotten rid of but to integrated into spirit.
We must blend the two realities into one. The ego realm and the spirit realm.
The ego realm is where we protect ourselves - it keeps us safe physically and emotionally.
Sometimes it takes over, which it often does in our society.
Fast cars, chemicals, scary things on TV, bills
It’s no wonder our ego is running the show.
We are so scared and our ego knows how to protect us, so we put it in charge.
Problem is, it’s trying to handle soooo many problems at once,
It’s like an ADD (attention deficit) child focused on this, then that, then this… never completing the last task. It has too many jobs to do and because it’s so busy, it’s unable to do it’s job effectively.
We get mislead - we end up just vegging out, short circuiting, making choices to make ourselves feel bette in the moment.
So, we do stuff that feels good physically to remind the ego that we’re ok.
Most of this stress isn’t even real. Modern day stressors aren’t real in the same way a threat from a wild animal is real. Our imagined stressors aren’t real in that way, but there are still real consequences. For example, bills - it’s not the bill we’re afraid of, it’s everything that could happen if we don’t pay the bill. It’s not an immediate fear that we can run away from. The fear exists in the mind.
We get fixated on on the ego world because we feel we have to, to protect our basic needs that are always being threatened. Our sense of safety is always being challenged because of our tied to money and because of the news and media that are telling us about all the problems of the WHOLE WORLD. Our ego is overwhelmed. How can we protect ourselves when we are aware of so much that can harm us?
We end up stuck mostly in our bottom chakras - no wonder we can often act like animals.
We are often not connected to our higher chakras of energy.
This is why we are so tired as a community.
We are not taking time to listen to our spirit.
Our ego is a scared child begging you not to go… so you end up staying.
You let the ego run the show because you’re convinced that’s what will keep you safe.
We need to do some inner child work to calm the ego.. tell it it’s safe so we can go and check in with the spirit self - the all knowing, inner wise self, the compassionate self.
It needs love too.
Ego says “Yes! I knew I had a great idea.”
Spirit says “This is a beautiful creation.”
Ego, let’s stop yelling so loud so we can listen to what spirit has to say.
It’s ego’s job to look for problems to solve in the physical world.
Am I too hot?
Am I hungry?
Am I safe?
Ego is always asking and checking in like an overbearing parent.
So if it, and it will, so WHEN it finds a problem, our anxiety spikes up.
It’s like “hey! Over here! I found a problem! Let’s get to work.”
Add in the hormones for anxiety to kick in and solve the problem.
Except, there’s nothing to solve or we don’t know how to solve it. So it just keeps shouting “problem! problem!” And we feel stuck.
The ego keeps reacting and we keep listening to it, putting us on edge and spiralling into fear.
We join it in hypervigilance.
The ego needs a break!
It’s like a new parent up for the 5th night in a row - baby cries, eye twitches, eyes are puffy and red…. Still trying to function … on edge but half out of it and can’t think straight.
The ego is on overdrive.
Use your inner voice to say “it’s ok ego… thank you. Thank you for working so hard to keep us safe. But, we’re ok.” Take a deep breath, rub hand on chest over heart. “You can rest. It’s ok, I’ve got you.”
Let’s check in on spirit!
Meanwhile, spirit is patiently waiting for you. It doesn’t demand to know where you’ve been or lectures you. If you hear that, that’s still ego interrupting. Turn back to spirit.
We don’t want to get rid of ego. We want to integrate spirit and ego.
It’s not a battle, it’s a beautiful dance and we are at the centre guiding the flow.
Even when we feel we’re deep in the mud of ego, spirit is still there.
It may be a whisper that you barely notice or it may pop up when around babies - spirit really loves little ones. Oh and kittens and puppies! Being out near trees and water. Felling the breeze may awaken spirit.
How can we listen to spirit?
Ah yes, the tried and true closing our eyes and breathing. Mmmmmmeditation.
Meditation. We all hear that word and we know it’s supposed to be good for us.
But, let’s be real, half the time we meditate we’re thinking about dinner later, someone that pissed us off, our clothing choice, do I look weird?
Then we might feel disappointed because we suck at meditation! Yet we tell everyone “oh yeah, I love meditating. It’s great!” But we secretly avoid it, like we avoid drinking those 8 glasses of water that are apparently good for us.
We know what works, but we often don’t do it.
Takeng an Instagram photo of yourself meditating will not fool yourself into believing that you’re actually pausing to connect with spirit.
It may fool others, but you will know the truth deep down and that’s what truly matters.
Get real with yourself! How good do you really feel every day?
Are you feeling AMAZING or just getting by? Maybe feeling even worse.
Let’s stop trying to fix our spiritual neglect with ego needs in the physical realm.
A better body, a better hairdo, a better job, nicer house, more money, fancy car.
These things will not deeply satisfy your spirit.
Even things like a healthier diet or working out can support the physical and emotion body, but these don’t deeply meet the needs of spirit.
They do help you feel better, yes, psychical and mental needs are important. We need to feel safe, healthy, loved, accepted. We just often over emphasize the need for those and de-value our spiritual needs.
Spirit wants us to tap in and listen… notice.. just be.
Spirit is the part of you that dances, paints, smiles (genuinely - if it’s fake, that’s ego again)
It says “I love you and deeply feels it without a want for anything in return.
Ego wants, spirit enjoys, create, observes.
We want a healthy flow between ego and spirit. For a while we might bounce back and forth, but in time we can integrate both together.
Ego says “I am so smart!”
Spirit says “You’re funny! This is exciting!”
Our whole planet is shifting from ego to spirit. This shift began years ago. Flowing back and forth, more and more towards spirit once again.
Ego wants to stay alive so it can continue to protect us.
It can put up a strong fight, trying to scare us with big bads so we’ll stay in the ego based reality.
Now is the time for more balance.
So many souls have chosen to incarnate on the planet at this time in space to be here to support this shift on this planet.
A whole life time committed to helping one planet like earth might seem like a lot.
But a spiritual life time is fast and fun. It’s like giving a high five!
Spirit knows what it got itself into. It chose this and it’s waking up to help support this global change to shift the balance.
Listen to your spirit.
Close your eyes, put your hands over them softly, breathe slow and deep and say “hello spirit, I’m here.” Keep listening.
If worry, fear or judgement come up say “oh that’s just you ego, trying to keep me safe again. We’re safe.” Breathe in, let it go
Stay with this.
Let spirit answer back. It will not feel forced. It will feel light, calm, joyful, loving.
All which is unlike love, is not your inner spirit.
We say “thank you ego, I love you.” Allow spirit to calm you. Allow spirit to be the lead.